Scrapbook One Hundred Twenty One Point Seven…



Melissa has an unruly health issue that has her in a pensive mood to write stories for her grandsons. She has a nice way of expressing her thoughts that I suspect are similar to what each of us has felt on occasion.

At a time when our world is casting dark shadows over the land, maybe it’s now that we should reflect back to our basic human instincts, and remember what’s most important in our daily lives. Here is one of Melissa’s stories. f

The day I ran away from Home

Me and Tippy

Me and Tippy

It was 1962 and I was 8 years old. I felt like no one cared about me or even knew I was around. The night before I had been playing outside and it had gotten dark. I was being so brave by staying outside in the dark. When I went to come inside the front door was locked. That sort of puzzled me so I went around to the side door which was glass and it was locked to. I looked in and didn’t see Dad or Mom sitting in their chairs. I ran to the back door and it was also locked. I was sort of half panicked and went back to the front door and looked in the door which was glass also and everything was dark. I sat on the porch for a moment and tears came and I went to the back side of the house and climbed up the pipe and went in the bedroom window and then just went to bed thinking and crying that no one cared about me. Just left me outside and everyone had gone to bed I guess but didn’t even check to see where I was. Something like that can work on a kids mind. So the next day I was going to run away. I got my little blue and white record player with the handle on it and took out the player and it made a little suit case. I put coco my little stuffed dog in, a couple dollars and went down stairs to the kitchen made me a sandwich and got an apple and was all ready to run away. While I was walking down the hall to the front door here comes dad. He asked, “where you going”? And “whatcha got”?  I told him I was running away cause no one cared about me and told him what I had in my box, cause I always told my dad everything. He said, “okay, but first you need to say goodbye to all the animals cause they will surely miss you”. I said okay and he said, ” I hope you come back and visit”, and I said okay.

So I headed out, said goodbye to the horses, then the cats and when it came time to say goodbye to my dog Tippy, I just cried and cried….then I headed out the driveway to the park and when I got there, I sat and ate my sandwich and hugged my little coco and cried some more and then just ran back home.

I am pretty sure that Dad knew I would have had a hard time leaving the animals and especially my dog.



224 thoughts on “Scrapbook One Hundred Twenty One Point Seven…

  1. Melissa, I’m glad you didn’t enter Tippy in the pet contest, might have whupped up on Tesuque. f

  2. I liked that a lot when I first read it. I ran away – sorta – one time on one of my adventures. In 1986 I took the car that my grandfather had just bought me – a shiny red Toyota Celica convertible. I went to LaJolla CA and didn’t tell my parents! They tracked me though through grandpaws credit card that I had. I would have loved to take my dog, but I didn’t.

    • Well at 8 yrs old a car was out of the question…heehee. I really didn’t make it very far, the park was just past the end of our very long driveway.

  3. Who could ever leave Tippy! Glad you went back home Melissa. I hope your dad gave you a big hug and told you how much he loved you and from that day forward tucked you into bed at night so you would never get locked out again. 🙂

  4. Melissa,
    Your story really hits home and brings back thoughts from days gone by. It is important to feel where we come from, and equally as important to share those memories with those that we care about. My thoughts are with you and thanks for sharing.

    • Yes I agree about sharing my stories, especially with my grandsons. They lived and live a totally different type of life than I did back then.

  5. Awwww… That is the cutest most lovable looking puppy I have ever seen (except for Tesuque and mine ofcourse) I can see why she ran back home so fast…:)

    • When Tippy got older she slept on the foot of my bed. And as small as she was, she wouldn’t let anyone in my room when I was sleeping. She always growled and let me know when someone was at the door.

  6. I know just how you felt, Melissa. I have a similar story. Those were days, huh? When a kid could run away – with permission!

    • Nice story Melissa. I never wanted to run away from home until I was an adult.

      Now I wish that I could run away to my childhood – ride my purple Schwin, eat penny candy, and lay in the cool Green grass with a friend looking at the clouds.

      • Oh I remember the candy called hats. You could get two for a penny. My friend Kathy and I would buy fifty cents worth and go home and lay in that tall grass…and weeds…in our field and eat them all. Geez, that sounds yucky now!

  7. Melissa,
    I loved your story. My mom saved a “I’m running away from home letter,” from when I was 7. I wrote that I was bringing my pencil, my paper, and my penguin. My mom wrote a note on the back that said, “Found her under her bed with her stuffed animals, laughing.”
    Your story was both heartbreaking and heartwarming. I enjoyed reading it. 🙂

  8. Isn’t it amazing how parents just had a knack for showing us the realities of life without being harsh?

    This reminded me of an adventure my parents had to deal with 🙂
    I was no more than 10 or 11 when I decided that I wanted to live the farm life.
    So I heading to I75 south I stuck out my thumb. 9 hrs later I found myself in knoxville Tenn. Seems in my rush I forgot to grab the address to my uncles house. So feeling real smart I walked into the local cop shop.
    ….. You guessed it they called my mom. and sent me to a local juvy hall for the night. My uncle and aunt picked me up in the morning and to my dismay I found myself on a bus home. Looking back on it I realize I still long for countryside views and a simplistic lifestyle.

  9. I also write little stories for my grandsons I hopeing all these thrill of the chase adventures one day make them laugh a little harder at what a silly mamaw they have Good story Melissa you keep on Writeing stories for them kiddos

    • I am glad to hear someone else writes for their grandchildren too. Life was so different then. I think we had a little more freedom. And if you are writing about Mr. Fenn’s treasure thrill adventures, that will be a great read for them. I would even like to hear about those adventures.

  10. Melissa, I agree with Forrest. You do have a great way of expressing your thoughts. I enjoyed the story and could relate to it.

  11. Melissa, your story reminds me of me… I ran away from home when I was about six. I also had a blue and white suitcase. And I know, it’s doesn’t feel good to think you’re unloved or that no one cares about you… Everyone needs to feel loved… No matter what your age…

    • Yes everyone needs to feel loved. I was loved but at that moment that night I sure didn’t think so. But it sure brought my dad and me closer together. He was a great dad.

  12. The world has always cast dark shadows, but I think there will forever be a special place in the heart and memory of LIFE and of what is good and just where animals and children are concerned. I know there is for me. And although we forget sometimes or perhaps have felt the same way, it is comforting to know that there are people who do care and understand. And never forget, that no matter what, God will always remember and care……….

    Nice story Melissa. I hope you feel better. 🙂

  13. Let me share something in this scrapbook that many will find freaking weird 😯 , because it partially pertains to this SB and relates to Forrest in a strange way. All that I will relate were key figures in my life growing up and not just happenstance….let’s begin:

    My name is William
    Forrest’s Brother and I think Father’s name were both William.

    My aunt is June
    Forrest’s Sister’s name was June.

    My niece is Kelli
    Forrest’s daughter is Kelly

    My niece Kelli rescued a min. black and white beagle from the pound 5 years ago and named her Zoe.
    Forrest’s other daughter is Zoe.

    My mother’s best friend (someone who had a hard life and turned to her for help a lot, which taught me so much about “giving”) was named Peggy.
    Forrest’s wife’s name is Peggy.

    My business partner for 5 years (a man who turned on me at a time when my business needed to trust him, teaching so much about what greed can do to a person’s morals in this world) was named Donnie.
    Forrest’s teenage best friend at Yellowstone was named Donnie.

    I could stop there, but lets go further…

    I’ve had two pets in my life…
    The first one was a collie named BLAZE.
    The second one to help ease the loss of BLAZE was another collie named TIP.
    Melissa’s dog is named TIPPY

    The first crush I ever had in my life, was with a girl named Melissa Jennings.
    The girl in this Scrapbook is Melissa.

    My mother’s Maiden name was Wilson and had two other sisters.
    Finding Carl Part One and the Women of Wilson.

    Forrest created this chase to help get all of these kids and others away from their gaming computers and smart phones to enjoy the mountain air and outdoors. Unknowingly however, it awakened me. An online D&D gamer for over 25 years….I have solved tens of thousands of quests, intricate puzzles and clues based in a search and find genre. Everything I have gained in the chase in such a short time, I owe mostly to those 25 years, and my mother’s scavenger hunts as a child.
    That’s all I really know from just the top of my head, but Forrest… here are some other important names that were key to my early years, that perhaps link to you that you haven’t shared….

    Brother- Robert, Brian
    Sister- Andrea Marie (called her Andy)
    Mother- Agnes Marie
    Father- Lester Beverly(changed it to Butch at early age for obvious reasons)
    GrandMother- Effie Mae
    First real love(and a big part of my life)- Alison
    Best friend for 15 years in SC building homes- Michael Knaffle (Mike)
    Best friend for 10 years online gaming – William (Bill) Paxson.

    Sometimes, I wonder about “signs” . Hints or warnings about life that hang out there in the world right in front of us, but just out of sight. Could it all be real? Could there be some grand scheme, or energy that has a way of linking us together and/or guiding us if we are only wise enough to see it? It should make one wonder…that is for sure.
    I think with this Scrapbook, Melissa saw a sign. And I’ll try to explain it if I can. You see, I feel Melissa let her panicked fears and thoughts run away with her on that dark night. Insecurities and self doubt set in, and she jumped to conclusions that most likely did not exist. The signs to appease her were always there inside that darkness, but she could not see them right away. I think Forrest knows we are all guilty of that from time to time. I believe it took a little bit of self reflection and time, but with the help of someone’s wise words…..she was able to see what was there in that darkness all along. Her truest treasure…. love.

          • I am on the road reading this blog and I am seeing alot of the same coincidences. I keep seeing the word knight and that has been going on for a little over 2 years – not sure why. I also had a dream recently where I heard “The snail is sacred – you only have 60 days”. Weird. I have alot of those same names too. Very very weird.

    • Well there are some very deep thoughts here. I was a little shy eight year old who’s mind did get away with me for sure.

  14. Yes Fenn the world is casting long shadows. There are so many that have lost their way along the path. Or worse, never had a path to follow. All that matters is the gold.

    Melissa I’m glad you made it back safely. Tippy looks to be a fine companion and good friend; and likewise you are a good person that couldn’t leave a friend behind.

    I’m wondering if there’s another side to your story…….Maybe your dad told you to come in before dark. Maybe he was watching the whole time until you were safe in bed.

    Maybe your dad didn’t “just happen” to be coming down the hall as you were leaving. And maybe your dad loved you enough to watch his little girl be sad so she could learn a couple lessons that would help her on life’s path.

    I agree with you Melissa, I’m pretty sure your dad knew a lot.

    • Yes my dad was a smart man and in my eyes he knew everything. He was kind and gentle and after that he always gave me a kiss goodnight.

  15. Will, those are common names. I would say pure coincidence but a number is hard to argue with and Forres has given many of those. Who am I to say though you may be a trailblazer!

  16. Interesting story……… Many of Forrest’s stories in TTOTC end with him coming home after an adventure…….

    “And as far as running away from home was concerned, no kids ever did that back then.” (p21)

    Forrest went to the Cemetery alone, but always came home. He went to watch the gypsies, but always came home. He went to Yellowstone for the summer, but always came home.

    One chapter in the book is even titled “The Long Ride Home.”

    He went looking for Lewis and Clark, but came home. He went out to rope a buffalo, and “the long walk home was cold and wet.”(p67) He went to Texas A&M, but he “headed home because there was no money for [him] to stay.” (p71)

    When Skippy died in a scuba diving accident, Forrest had to bribe Mexican officials to bring him home.

    Forrest went to Vietnam, but eventually came home.

    And at the end of the Flywater chapter, Fenn alludes to going home where Peggy was waiting for him, “I will rest through all of time and space, pillowed down and scented in, with a smile that comes from remembering the special things that brought me to that final place, one of which was knowing Peggy was there, somewhere, waiting for me.” Peggy probably had to do a lot of waiting at home for Forrest to come back from his adventures……

    Even Catcher in the Rye, Fenn’s “unauthorized autobiography”, ends with Holden Caulfied coming home.

    So maybe the poem takes the reader on an adventure to some of the various places Forrest has been…… But it eventually brings you back home.

    We shall not cease from our exploration
    And at the end of all our exploring
    Will be to arrive where we started
    And know the place for the first time

    The place where we started……… home.

    • Here’s a few more “coming home” examples from TTOTC…… Photo caption on page 76, “I wondered if that beautiful plane would bring me home again.” Page 74, “The freedom plane was to take me home….” page 81, “after dropping bombs and turning for home.” page 87, after getting shot down, Fenn thinks about catching 5″ bluegills with his dad at home… and “I felt like I would soon be going home….” Page 99, “…I boarded the plane that brought me home….”

      • Thanks Mindy…….

        Also, the boy scout blaze symbol for “going home” or “gone home” is a circle with a dot in the middle…..

        Another poster (I think it was Astree) said this symbol is called a circumpunct. Maybe there is a large circumpunct blaze on a rock somewhere that is THE blaze we are seeking?? I don’t know…….

        Curiously, a poster calling himself “fundamental design” brought my attention to the Colorado flag……..

        Kinda sorta looks like a circumpunct!!

        • Jason,

          You will also see these circles with dots in the center or circumpuncts or whatever you want to call them? at Bandelier National Monument and the Puye Cliff Dwellings depicted as petroglyphs. Some of these glyphs are located above the actual dwellings. I was told that they were a symbol/representation of the family unit/clan that lived in that specific place. So, in that sense, it seems to also reflect a similar meaning with the ‘home’ which you mentioned.

          • The circumpuncts are all about everyone. The One God, the true God that is within us all. I use to own a metaphysical bookstore and I carried all of the Gnosis teachings, which talk about the circle with the dot in it. If I had to choose a religion, it would be closely related to the Gnosis teachings. My God is in my Heart though. I do like the teachings of White Eagle and I have all the books on Edgar Cayce, which his teachings ring very true to me.

    • Anyone here familiar with the 17 stages of the monomyth?

      I remember learning about this in high school English class when we read The Hero with a Thousand Faces (1949) by Joseph Campbell.

      Many artists, musicians, poets, and filmmakers have been influenced by this work.

      • I was not familiar with that either – but it is on the top of my list of reading about for sure. Someone to help to change the consciousness of the world…. hmm…

      • Wow! Thank you for posting that! I’ve never heard of the 17 stages of monomyth…….. It’s certainly something worthy of further discussion………

        The “going home” theme that I’ve been trying to develop into a solve (unsuccessfully) is merely an addendum to the 17 stages of monomyth…….

        23kachinas’ post might be a game changer for someone!

        And here I was thinking that no one ever posted their good material!!!

    • Thanks for your comments, Jason. Home is definitely where the heart is…and when a good man is blessed enough to have a good woman (like Peggy) at home…then home is INFINITELY where a man’s heart is. I just got home from dinner with my wife. It’s our 10 year anniversary today. I am very blessed to know what I’m talking about.

      From Pink Floyd’s song, “Time”:

      Home, home again
      I like to be here when I can
      When I come home cold and tired
      It’s good to warm my bones beside the fire
      Far away, across the field
      The tolling of the iron bell
      Calls the faithful to their knees
      To hear the softly spoken magic spell

  17. Your story brings back memories Melissa. You and I are of an age when parents didn’t helicopter around their kids as many parents do now. I think they just felt that we were around somewhere and let us “be” unless we broke a bone or needed to get stitched up or something. I remember on Saturdays, I’d make a sandwich, grab a string, safety pin and piece of bacon (to fish with), jump on my bike and take off with a friend, my dog (her name was Tippy too! ) and do my best to “get lost”. I don’t remember ever telling my mom or dad where I was going or when I’d be back and that was ok. Once when we lived in suburban Detroit my friend and I decided we were going to follow the Rouge River all the way down to where it hit the lake at the Ford Rouge River plant. It sounded like a good idea at the time. Our venture went well for the first 45 minutes until I tripped and fell into the fast moving water. My friend grabbed a stick and held it out to me as I started to get swept away. She saved my life! When she pulled me to shore, I was shaken but still kicking although I had lost my boots in the process. It was about 25-30 degrees outside so I went to house nearby and asked to use their phone to call my mom and see if she could pick me up. The lady who answered the door said I was too muddy and wet to use her phone so we said “ok” and took off and began to walk home (it never occurred to either the lady or me to have HER make the call! Oh well). Anyway, I made it home after walking about three or four miles and freezing my butt off. I’m still surprised I didn’t get hypothermia. My mom was most perturbed by the fact that I had lost a good pair of boots. I’ve often tried to track down Marcia (the girl who saved me) and say thanks but haven’t been able to find her. I think I’ll try again.

    • Raven I love your story! So glad you had a great friend with you to pull you out of that water. That had to have been a great feat for her, people who are in moving water like that are so heavy to drag out, I know I have done it. I am surprised your mom didn’t whisk you to a hot bath and warm you up. I sure hope you find your friend someday, she surely deserves to be thanked again.

  18. Oh my, thank you everyone for all your nice comments. You have all made me feel so much better.

    • That’s a great story, Melissa. It’s not fun to feel forgotten is it. It sounds like your dad is a very wise man.

      …and VERY cute puppy. 🙂 When a dog gets older the trick is to play with them and love them like when they were a puppy …because they’re all puppies on the inside.

  19. This story reminds me to always be thankful for family and friends, and think of how my actions might be perceived by others. How sometimes we focus not only on staying on the right path, but also create alternate routes for ourselves in case things don’t go according to plan. Keeping my head on straight can be a challenge sometimes. Sadly, this story reminds me to trust a little more, and see the love around me. thank you melissa

  20. Charming right of passage story Melissa!

    Maybe this is why they invented afternoon shows like the Flintstones, Jetsons and Gilligan’s Island? All of the suspense of watching another episode reeled us wayward children back home form our daily adventures just in time for dinner.

    It’s good to be an adult where that doesn’t happen anymore…giggle.

    • And Underdog, don’t forget Underdog. I used to race home from school so I wouldn’t miss a second of it, even if I’d seen it 1000 times before.

      • Mindy – I remember his always saying “There’s no need to fear! Underdog is here!”

  21. I had many such profound moments that carved me into who I am today. I pray everyday for wisdom, consideration and compassion for my fellow man.

  22. Beautiful story. The pure, unconditional, positive regard from our companions in life and how alongside of them, we are so often pulled from the depths of almost any despair…Our furry companions should be credited #1 for saving lives. Their unending devotion demands ours in return and joyfully so. We are blessed beyond words yet we so often forget to acknowledge the facts. In our weakness, we are made strong. Glad Melissa had Tippy and others as a reminder to pull her through a dark day & I hope her health issue is surrounded with peace, strength, and healing.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words Mustang Spirit. By the way, we live near where a beautiful herd of wild mustangs live. We love to go there and watch them.

      • Wow! That is incredible, Melissa! I bet those are the moments which truly encapsulate the grace, power, and beauty which people like you deserve to be surrounded with! Thanks for sharing that, it makes me smile! The warmth from who you are emanates an undeniable & radiant gift. It is full of truth and unadulterated strength which I believe all of us here are feeling very privileged to be a witness to, thanks to you!

        • Such kind words MustangSpirit, thank you. I wish I could post a picture of them here so you and everyone else could enjoy their beauty too.

          • Awww! That is SUCH a sweet and thoughtful gesture! I am brand new to this website & am unsure as to whether it is possible? Most importantly, if it is possible, please only when/if you feel up to it, k? I can smell their manes already! 🙂

            We would all be so grateful to have another peak at the world through the eyes of such a special lady whose presence is even more delightful then a rare gem.

            I’ve got to say, your writing talent is astonishing and I find myself smiling while viewing that darling photograph of you and your puppy. Would love to see more! I think we could all learn a lot from someone such as yourself! It is such a privilege for us to be able to connect with you.

          • I am new here too MustangSpirit. Mr. Fenn was kind enough to post that story of mine. I am feeling much better now just a few more Dr. visits and I should be up and running good as new. I would love to somehow send you some picts of the wild mustangs here. I have a thought, here is my email and send me a message and I can send you the pics there if you want.

  23. Melissa,
    The stories you are leaving behind will be a legacy your grandchildren will cherish forever.
    I wish I knew more about the lives my grandparents lived.

    • I hope so Mindy, I have written a few but with all this encouragement I will be writing more. Someday I will put them all together in a little home made book and give it to them for Christmas or something.

  24. It is too common that people take for granted the loving relationships that we have.
    It is good to reaffirm our love, regardless of age.

    Thanks for the thought provoking story! 🙂

    • Well , come on……………………Treasure is waiting….. I got the Flashlight and a couple sandwiches……

          • Jk…me headed to Northern Nevada tomorrow for some crystal and gem prospecting.
            I’ll go search when it warms a bit…

          • JD… that sounds like fun can I come with you??? Been thinking about Gem digging lately… Where are you heading or can you not say…………………………

          • Oh…spallies, it is Sooo fun! Please, I’d be happy to share the experience! If you have ever watched “Prospectors” on The Weather Channel…it’s just like that though not as extreme! We are going to Peterson Mtn just North of Hallelujah junction on 395. We call it Hallelujah Mountain!

          • Good morning! Spallies, we rolled in last night from our crystal hunt. So much fun…but cold! 44 degrees with wind chill…I had on long johns, thick socks, jeans, tank top, thermal, 2 swearshirts, AND an LL Bean jacket…and gloves…and brrrr! Until we started to dig! Omg so fun! As soon as I wash up the finds I post a pic. Re: Ellensburg blues…I think I have one from a while back…

          • JD… I watch “Prospectors” a lot.. Don’t care for some of the drama and/or the heights but love the prospects of digging for such treasure…. Are you searching a claim, private land or public??? Not sure how that works… We search for Ellensburg Blues in Washington up in the Mountains as well as on private land… Have you ever heard of an Ellensburg Blue???

          • Spallies, we search on blm. There are claims there, but they are marked.
            I have never heard of the Ellensburg blue. Please tell! 🙂

          • We don’t watch either after sea on 1 due to dram (though manufactured) and because can’t stand to WATCH…gotta DO IT!

        • Here is a good link about Ellensburg Blues

          Basically you can only find this particular stone in Ellensburg WA and I have also heard maybe one place in South Africa. My Wedding ring is made out of a blue I found on my parents Ranch in Ellensburg. (Currently broken in a wood splitting incident…:) I also wear a very special Ellensburg Blue stone my mother found and wrapped for me.

          I really like the quote from the website that says…

          Ellensburg Blue Agate is only found near its namesake, Ellensburg Washington USA. First discovered by the Kittitas Indians who inhabited the area, and in 1913 offered this advice on finding the agates, one should “Walk with the sun over your left shoulder.”

          I know what that means do you???

  25. OMG Forrest did you lock your daughter out of the house! No idea where you would have been living in 1962 that you thought you needed to lock the doors! We used to come and go through every door and window in our house but that was a few years later. Anyway good lesson was taught apparently.

    • Gosh I am honored to think that you think I am Mr. Fenn’s daughter weather he locked me out or not. 🙂

  26. “The world is casting shadows”…
    Funny, the last few scrapbooks we have CASTED shadows, casted fly lines, casted bronze art, and had a casting call for a dog beauty contest.

    We’ve also LOST a lot
    -F’s memory
    -pigs lost stripes
    -all dogs besides teseque lost the contest and had a whole scrapbook about it
    -Teseque has lost 11 teeth
    -JBB disappeared
    -Melissa ran away
    -(in bronze scrapbook) ‘like having all money in a safe with a lost key’
    -F lost his fishing spot

    Teseque won a medal, Forrest casted metal, Momma pig chewed through a metal fence, and a Pfleuger Medalist reel is up for grabs.

    Tesque likes to eat catfish and cornbread, Pigs like to eat rattlesnakes, Rainbows like to eat midge blue duns, Melissa likes to eat a sandwich and an apple, and oh yeah…Teseque also loves bananas.

    Melissa’s blue suitcase, midge blue duns, dogs blue ribbon, it goes on and on- I’m sure you get the point. It goes on…When will it end and if that end is at the beginning maybe Forrest needs to go back to an old fishing spot by del Chorro…or he could just stay with what he knows the Big Teseque. 🙂

    • Thanks Jamie, I really like all of your thoughts but I don’t know if I can handle more to think about… I am already terribly confused…

    • Jamie, you are a smart cookie!

      I’m more of a fortune cookie. Will you translate that onto a 1/2 inch x 1 inch paper and drop inside my slot? Just the part that says “you will find a golden treasure” with lotto numbers on back. Parees?

    • Dang, Jamie. That’s a gift.

      Speaking of blue… did you know lapis lazuli (Fenn’s word choice on p60) is mined in the US in Colorado but nowhere else in the search zone? There’s a major commercial mine in Crested Butte with a weird backstory.

      And what’s with this SB being numbered 121.7?

  27. home,is not home if there is no love there,you get no hugs,kisses or I love yous.but yet there is a sense of security,because your mom and dad are there,and you know you have no where to go and what would you do and your live at home ,but have to grow up fast,you go to bed hungry sometimes ,because the money was spent on beer for them to get sloppy drunk and then fight.I remember being in a crib and dad coming home drunk,mama told him to be quite,or he would wake me up.and I raised up and he was coming over to my crib,i layed back down and don’t remember anything else,i don’t know how old I was.home ,what is home to me,bad memories,even being married at 17 to get away from home,there has been many many times ,I was out with my siser and did not want to come home to my husband,cause I knew he would be there.home,love,whats it all about anyway.the only thing that comes out of it as far as I’m concerned are my children.maybe I don’t know what love is or what is home.I don’t feel like this is my home,because I’m not comfortable.the marriage vows was broken years ago,my heart died,trust never completely came somebody tell me ,what is home,what is love,except loving your children.things change in life you have no control over,so you feel not wanted and not loved and taken for one notices when you dress up in a new outfit.when your young you dress up in the valentine bit,and your asked ,what you got that on I said no more,and I never did dress for valentines again,just another I the only one,or anybody else like breaks the fall can’t go home again,as things change and are never the same.

    • Well Virginia that’s really sad. Have you ever heard of “Joy Division” “love will tear us apart” Ian Curtis, that’s how he felt. Committed suicide in 1980. They also have a song where he sings about the thrill of the chase. I think that track is titled “Decades” written well before the treasure chase.

    • One thing your parents gave you, that can never be taken away, is a wonderful name. Virginia Diane- beautiful-

    • Virginia, I feel your pain. What you need to remember is we have one shot at this world. Everyday we get up, we make an unconscious decision as to what our day will be like. You have the power within you to not be beaten down, no matter what. I for one this Valentines would like to read that you put that red dress on. Smile to yourself and say “I’m going to a movie, see you later.” When you come back say “It was a really good movie, I’m sorry you didn’t go.” Keep doing that and see what happens.

      Yes things change, but you are not alone. You just have a new normal and what you make of that new normal is up to you.

    • Virginia, I know there is not much I can say to ease your pain, but I’m gonna say a few things anyways. When I read your post I tried to put myself in your shoes, that would be terrible to link the words “home and love” to those bad memories. I want to start out by saying a phrase that everyone knows , ” Home is where your heart is “. I can tell by reading your post that your heart is in the right place, just remember that wherever you go you take it with you, and also you kids need to feel love and a sense of home too , you can break this cycle that plaques so many families today , God has not put this burden upon you to try to tear you down, he put it on you because he knows your strong enough to handle it. Virginia, I have always said ” YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE , BE HAPPY” Do whatever you have to do to reach that goal, and take your kids along with you and the cycle will break…. Good luck to you in the ” Chase ” and my prayers are with you Virginia. stay Focused

      • Virginia, try not to let the dark shadow the light. Try to stay positive, you can achieve your dreams. We are here to listen anytime!

        • Yes, Virginia – there really is a Santa Clause…….
          don’t ever forget it.

          FF could be it for you or me …we only have to try.

          Good on ya for being here……..and with us …we really do care.

          I will tell you only what I truly believe – and that is = what you think about – will come about.

          So if you think about good things – they will come to you; even in the darkest moments.

          Hugs and best of luck to you in all your future endeavors. The very most important thing is to just give yourself credit for a tough life survived, and move on to happiness.

          • Thank you so much, I’m trying, but it’s not easy.i lost my down syndrome daughter in 2006.she was kids are my life,so part of me died with jamie.i don’t want you guys to pity me.its just like it seems nothing ever comes my way good.but i know each and everyone of us goes through so much of our own tribulations .so i do alot of praying. You know the saying when it rains it pours.a special person out there on this blog knows my husband has carcinoid cancer ,stage 1 and 4.its a slow growing cancer ,so my husband gets a cancer shot each month.his feet and legs has started to the dr. Had him take a echocardigram or something like showed his heart wall is thicking and a valve is bigger than its suppose to in a year they are to retake the test and see whats up.i don’t understand all this stuff and it keeps me scared all the time.but i will get through this with God and prayer and people out there on this blog.each of us going through stuff. We’ll get through this together.i love each and everyone of you.
            We are one big wonderful family, as we lift one another up.thats whats goodness and kindness to each other.not anger or revenge,or unkind words.we need each other.

          • Virginia Diane, I’ll give you no pity per your request, but I will give you a prayer.

            You, actually, sound like quite a strong lady. I’m thinking that there are others around you, maybe even distantly, who draw a little strength from you for their own trials, whether you know it or not.

            Now, as I send a prayer out for you, would you be so kind as to send a prayer out for me? A prayer for a pained heart, much like your own?

          • Buckeyed bob,i just said a prayer for you asking the lord to take care of your problems quickly.i get my strength from God. He knows our hearts.hurts,etc.i try my best to live for him daily. I’m not perfect by no means.but I do know without him i couldn’t make it
            I can’t even breath without him.may God bless you.

          • Virginia Diane, thank you.
            May we all, all on this earth, always find room on our faces for a smile whenever we can.

            This world is harsh. But it’s also beautiful. It wouldn’t be anything, though, without smiling faces.
            We pass through here, only temporary tenants of all that we see, and no gift can we give that’s better than a smile.

            After all, how many days have been brightened by a smile? I dare to say, “more days than the sun itself has brightened.”

    • Diane, I feel that I must comment on your life. Because you are not alone. I grew up in an abusive family. I watched(at age 7) as my father slapped my mother around while she laid in bed crying, wanting so much to help her but knowing I could not. At age 5 or 6 I watched my father shoot my neighbors dog with a pistol in front of my eyes a mere 4 feet away. As a child, I have been beaten by a belt across my face, back, chest, ribs legs ….all because I was the first one he saw when he woke up mad.

      As an adult I have watched that same man put a whelp upside my nieces head and bust her lip, all because she simply backtalked him. I have seen him throw her son’s 18 month old body 5 feet through the air into the couch in front of the cable repair man. I have seen that same child get thrown 6 feet through the air into the kitchen floor in front of his current wife…all because, in his ADD fit, he threw a paper plate and 8 dorito chips on the floor. My version of “home” has been ripped away from me my whole life, and I have to tell you….. I don’t know where home is anymore. I have been alone for 45 years so far. Why? I see the age spots that I have in the exact same spots as my father. I see the same image in my face as in my father’s. I am terrified that I have the same uncontrollable violence in me that is in my father. I could not live with myself if I EVER hit a woman.

      So you see….you are not alone.

      But there is hope. In this world there is always HOPE. Have a strong belief in yourself and those you truly love, and if you do… I can tell you this… HOPE will always find a way to make it better. 🙂

      • Iron Will – IMO it takes a brave person to confront everything they think is wrong within them, with everything that is truly right within them.

      • Iron Will and Diane, so sorry to hear about your abusive childhoods. I hope you have both found some peace and happiness in your adult lives. I wish you this old Irish Blessing.

        May love and laughter light your days,
        and warm your heart and home.
        May good and faithful friends be yours,
        wherever you may roam.
        May peace and plenty bless your world
        with joy that long endures.
        May all life’s passing seasons
        bring the best to you and yours.

        We all need to do what we can to help children who are in need, no matter what that need is.

      • Iron Will, I’m so sorry you had no one to protect you from your abusive father. I hope someone steps in and protects your niece and her child from abuse-he will continue to abuse unless someone makes him stop even if it means throwing him in jail. Hope is important but so is finding the HELP and doing what is necessary to heal your wounds and to make sure no one else is hurt. There is help out there for you and your fathers other victims. I’d be happy to share some suggestions privately if you are interested.

      • Iron Will and Diane,

        On bended knee, I’ll say a prayer,

        Just for you, to show I care.

        I pray for peace and solitude,

        To fill the hearts of both of you.

        Live each day, as if your last,

        Don’t drag along , a bitter past.

        The heart it too , can also hear,

        If you need a friend, I’ll be right here….

        See ya, Focused

        • Thank you so very much
          And I’ll say thank you to ironwill know nobody knows what goes on in families sometimes . I am so thankful for the people on this blog.and especially mr.forrest.i look to him as my dad,that I never had . I think of him more than he’ll ever know.if i could meet each and everyone of you. I’d give ya a great big thank you hug.there are really nice people in this world after all.that tell me they care and i know they mean it.that helps me so much. I always felt so alone.but not with all of you.may God bless you all.

          • You have a big heart
            the beauty is there
            It is compounded
            each time you care
            You opened it up
            damaged and bare
            Now we will help
            the hurt we all share
            you can smile inside
            If a smile you wear
            the simple answer
            is found with prayer
            He can mend hearts
            when life isn’t fair

          • The Paradoxical Commandments

            People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
            Love them anyway.

            If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
            Do good anyway.

            If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
            Succeed anyway.

            The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
            Do good anyway.

            Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
            Be honest and frank anyway.

            The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
            Think big anyway.

            People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
            Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

            What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
            Build anyway.

            People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
            Help people anyway.

            Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
            Give the world the best you have anyway.

            – Dr. Kent M. Keith

    • Virigina. I’m better at helping others then I am myself and I’m also a very emotional person and not good at dealing with situations the best….but can I help you? Is there something I can do to reach out that would make you feel better? I only know of your posts on here and I can say that I enjoy you a great deal as I know others do. Life can be real hard sometimes and not many people know the percentage of meaning I have in that statement…but it really is.

      I’ve had people in my life go through some real terrible things and they’ve come through it. My husband was left at a gas station at 3 years old with his brother who was 4, went into an orphanage and taken out by his alcoholic father and abusive step mom. Ended up in foster care after the school saw him after a beating. I found him living at the race track because he could live and work there. Had a concrete room with a mattress on the floor. I was told to stay away from him because he was a “race tracker”, but now we’ve been together 25 years. Lots of ups and downs, but such a great guy. My motivation for the chase was to make life easier on him due to some health stuff…hasn’t worked out that way.

      I can’t say who this person is, but they were 8 years old and their mom was pregnant with their brother when their father died. The mother married a man a few months later, because she needed a way to support herself and kids. This man never let the little girl be alone with her mother again and abused her many times.

      Life can be hard….sometimes it helps to get our stories good or bad out there to release them.

      If you’d like to chat, shoot me a direct email at tyblossom at aol dot com.

    • Virginia Diane, My prayers are with you and for you that you will find deep in your heart what makes you happy and you will be able to focus on the positive for You.

      Much love my sister,

      • Virginia Diane, I know some of the pain you feel from losing your daughter Jamie

        I lost my older sister Peggy a year ago. 65, she also had Down Syndrome. My brothers and sister and i have taken care of her for the last 20 years since our mother passed. Peggy was a big part of our family and very much loved. God gave you his special Angel, and i know you feel that special love that Jamie gave you, she is always with you in your heart, her special love is always with you.

        Much love and Prayers

  28. Good day so far……I’m sure it will be fanToastic……..ready for spring though…. miss the mountains

        • I am fine sir! 😛 It is a new day, and though a chilly 27 degrees out, the sun is shining bright, and beautiful orchestral music is buzzing in my ears. Dreams of Spring are beginning merge with reality 😉

          • I’m ready for spring too…. Been out west so much this past summer that I miss the place…. 14 trips and counting… ready for more….

          • Well instead of describe it to you…let me allow you to experience it for yourself…

            Close your eyes…
            Think back to a very happy moment in your childhood where everything was innocent and fun, and adventurous ….then press this link…


            No thanks necessary. 🙂

          • I only need one more trip Focused. That’s it. Just one more and my oath will be complete. I just hope that conditions which are out of my control, will hold on long enough for all of the numbers to properly add up. 😯

  29. Here are the facts on Ellensburg Blue. Yes , the true Ellensburg Blue comes from just north of town, around Green Canyon. You can pay $5 a day to hunt for the stones on the “Rock n’ Tomahawk Ranch” which I will be doing in March, the best time to find it as it is pushed out of the ground from the spring thaw.
    Ellensburg Blues is said to be the 3rd rarest gem in the world. It is found only here and in Israel. Tiffany, “Tiffany Glass” first marketed the Blue around 1900, and it is regaining its popularity .
    Funny this comes up on the FF site as last summer I got stuck in Taos when my SSI money didn’t show up to get back to Seattle on. I had 2 Ellensburg Blues, and my prize “concretion” collection that I had to sell to Taos Rockers, a rock and gem shop near the plazza. They gave me $200. I made it back with a quarter tank of gas and $10.
    Stressfull at the time,for sure, but what a great trip . Not to mention I found an arrowhead too, kinda’ where Dal was up west of Tres Piedras.
    Yes spring is in the air. My winters homework is done as to my next trip to New Mexico. I’ve “connected the dots” and crossed my tease. And I’m as sure as my last two trips of where to go. I’m thinking April Fools day That fits.

  30. Cheers to you on writing little reminders like this to your grandson on who you are, with a nice message about whats really important.Tippy was cute! What breed was he? I guessed, pomeranian.

      • till it unravels with cute pet photos etc. Sorry but I just got back from getting bloodwork done for my heart issues too. I mean, I pray for your health but there is a site called twitter you might check out. And yes, I’m not having a good day.
        What I can share in todays revelation: In the book Forrest talks about President Eisinhower…(page 6)
        p RESIDENT EYES IN SHOWER. Good 1 Forrest!
        That one made me laugh.

  31. Melissa
    Thank you for sharing your story!
    Reminded me of when my parents left me at Six Flags! Yes for real!
    .. But they had 8 kids so i guess i can understand now! They did come back.. But they didn’t look like they were in any hurry!

    About tomorrow…
    We will not forget you, you are in our prayers!
    20, 30 who knows maybe even 40 years from now you will look back and say to your grand kids, Remember when I wrote the story about running away?

    Then you will recall me saying that you will say these very words!
    ( hopefully your not like Forrest and you will remember! )
    ; )

  32. I want to thank all of you who were wishing me well. My cardiologist visit went great, nothing wrong with my heart…HUGE relief!! Now just a trip to regular Dr. for some meds and I will be just fine. You have all been so very kind and it has truly helped me through this. A big THANK YOU to all. 🙂

  33. Interesting timing for this post as just this week I was given a copy of a book about my Grandmother.

    My Aunt (her daughter) was an author and great lover of ancestry, and in 1974 asked my Grandmother to write down as much as she could remember about her earliest years. My Grandmother wrote her a letter with all that she could remember as a child, stories, family members, neighbors, living conditions, even detailing with maps how the farm was laid out. With that letter & of course my Aunt’s own life experiences, she wrote this book about Grandmother.

    My Grandmother was born in 1915 in the Ozark mountains, and the stories and small tidbits of memories that were in that letter were fascinating to me. Simple everyday mundane stories about how they lived in the hills were intertwined with those of panther attacks, Indian attacks, & the finding of a dead body in the neighbors corn crib. I read it with a great sense of wonderment and nostalgia, and was thankful that my Aunt had the foresight to document and record my Grandmother’s life so long ago.

    While I spent a fair amount of time with my Grandmother as a child & felt close to her, this peek into her childhood that my Aunt has given me has established an even a stronger connection and solidified an even greater understanding of my sense of self & sense of family. I would encourage anyone with children to document like this either by telling the stories at family get togethers or a written letter.

    Mellisa, thank you for the post & sharing your story with us.


    • I say very interesting right back Clinger. I love Ancestry and have been doing my family tree for quite a few years now. It is fascinating how different my grandparents life is than mine and I am sure theirs was to their grandparents. My ancestors had stories from back when some Indians attacked also. And some with interesting medications they used for different ailments. Covered wagon stories and so many things that are so different. I keep thinking the little stories I write aren’t much or very interesting but I guess they will be because they are so different than the life my grandsons have now.

      • Meilssa,

        +1 on the medications. I believe lye soap, castor oil, & turpentine could fix every ailment back then. 🙂

        I too came to the same conclusion you did as to the interest level of stories that we may write. Who would care about how I had to climb the tv antennae pole and turn it by hand to get some channel besides NBC and CBS, or my Grandfather teaching me how to use a handsaw? My future grandchildren or great-grandchildren hopefully will. I’ll share with them the day the microwave showed up, but I believe I’ll leave out how nervous I was kissing Tina Pace under the Elm Tree when we were six or seven.

    • My mom wrote a book like that also. The first story in it was about the step outside the outhouse. It was a polished rose colored granite square step that looked like a tombstone. She wrote about how she was always scared that it was a grave and was afraid to turn the stone over for fear there was a name engraved on the other side. It made me remember my brother and I playing near it when we were little and having the same fear. I think the step is still there.

  34. My great great grandfather Ed sat on his fastest horse on the edge of the “Cherokee Strip” — Oklahoma Territory.

    It was 12 noon and the cannons roared all along the line. 20,000 people exploded across into the Strip to stake their claims. He hit his horse a resounding blow on the rump, and the sign stake broke into several pieces. So much for the sign that he’d spent two weeks carefully carving his name and claim number on!

  35. PL289 – Ed and his wife, Maria, with three small sons had come from the corn belt. Ed got the piece he wanted that he had scouted out in the two weeks they had camped on the edge.

    For three years they lived in a sod shanty they built and finally starved out. That spring they finally ran out of food. Ed decided he’d have to find something to do. He promised to be back as soon as he could. Six weeks later the family had gotten down to nothing but onions. Their son (invented the nail stripper) was 10 years old with an inventive mind. He was fascinated by the numerous sparrows around the sod home, so he rigged up a screen with a string that he could pull from inside the “soddy”. By propping it a few inches from the ground, and baiting it with some seeds, he managed to catch several dozen a day, which helped save them from starvation.

  36. Anyone read Helen Hunt Jackson’s “The Hunter Cats of Connorloa”? Some curious similarities in how he depicts the author and how she tells the story that (in my opinion) might inspire Forrest to send this in as a Scrapbook post.

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